I have learnt to fear less and love more
I have lived through a lens of fear for most of my life. I think even as a child I often lived through a lens of fear, and this ultimately shaped who I became; until now. It's hard sometimes to see life through a lens of love when there is so much fear around. We hear about fearful things all the time on the news, on the radio and all around us. We can be afraid of letting our children out of our site; we can be consumed with fear about our children's future and their health and well-being. Over the last few months, I've come to learn that no one can be truly happy when they are living a life in fear.
Last month I shared my spiritual journey through a course of videos and the response from other parents was incredible. So many mums contacted me and told me that they felt the same. They would tell me how they are starting to live in love instead of fear. They would share their spiritual journey with me, and this increased my faith in love even more. I started to deepen my practice with my spiritual journey. I started to meditate more, pray more, walk in nature more and read more. I would be guided to go places, speak to people and my life started to move in a direction that I'd never witnessed before. I realised that I was starting to see the world through a lens of love, instead of a lens of fear.
When I wrote my book 'Saving Sarah,' I was consumed with fear. I desperately wanted to share our journey and our life in the hope that it would help another family. However, I wasn't just consumed by fear; I was swimming in it. I was scared of the past, afraid of now and afraid of tomorrow. I changed all the names in the book to protect my family and friends and to protect Sarah; after all the book was about her life. Writing the book was hugely cathartic, and it also helped me to become a better mama. On the very last page of the book, I wrote this;
At that moment, I stopped and smiled and thanked the Universe. I thanked God, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out, as in that moment I realised that I didn't save Sarah, Sarah saved herself. If I've learned anything throughout this whole journey, it's simply this; not to be afraid, to believe in myself and my child and my family. I must always believe that there can be a different way, and if I faith that everything will be ok - and so it will be. I have learnt to fear less and love more.
So today I choose love, over fear. Today I would like to formally introduce my family to you. Firstly there is my husband Karl, we've been together for 18 years, and this picture is almost 12 months ago when we renewed our marriage vows. We've had so many ups and downs (like all relationships), but over the last couple of months, I've come to learn that he is with me on the journey of life for a reason. He is my guide and my protector and I see now that we were always meant to be in this life-time together.
Next, my youngest daughter Daisy; she is the most incredible soul. Kind, thoughtful, caring and loving to everyone. She has a presence of grace (that she definitely didn't get from her mama). My little boy blue is Flynn; he is Daisy's best friend, he is the yin to her yang. These two are 'old souls' together and have such an incredible bond that it's truly a gift to witness. And finally to my brave, courageous and talented daughter Seren. Her name means 'star' in welsh, and she is living up to the star that we knew she could be. I almost didn't publish the book, I wondered if I could share my precious daughter's journey. One day, Seren saw me upset and asked;
"What's wrong Mummy'?, she said
"I'm worried about publishing my book because it's your story, your journey," I replied.
"Mummy you helped me, and I think your book could help the other mummies and children - you must publish it', she said.
Right there was the reason that we called her 'Star.' She is my indigo child, my guide, my teacher, my healer. Everything that I have done over the last few years was because of Seren. I am so grateful to her for the lessons that I have learned because, without her, I don't know where I would be or who I would be?
So I will end this blog by saying thank you. Thank you to all the amazing people that have been on this journey with me. Thank you for the help, the encouragement, and support. Thank you for love, for being there and for sharing your journey with me. Let's continue to lift each up other, to be a beacon of light for our ADHD children and to live through a lens of love.
So much love & light,